001 I Followed the Script for 37 Years—Then I Realised Fear Had Been My Master

How I decided to create my own boxes and check them

Welcome to Offscript — Issue #001. For leaders who’ve outgrown fear and the script that never fit. Each month, I share research-backed essays to help you have raw, honest conversations that will reset your mind. Influence authentically and advance strategically without sacrificing your values. If you want support in your leadership journey, join Offscript Society. You’ll instantly access our group chat, monthly live Q&As, and exclusive training.

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1. The Script I Inherited

Sometimes I say, only half-jokingly, that my life truly began at 37. And if that’s true, then I’m barely a decade old.

I say it with a smile—but there’s truth behind the jest.
Because for 37 years, I followed a script I didn’t write. Fear was a master, and I was a coward.

This script told me:
Study hard. Get a good job. Be sensible.
Climb steadily. Buy the house. Have the kids. Keep everyone happy.
Don’t rock the boat. Don’t stand out. Don’t complain.

Where I grew up, conformity was safety. Obedience (and predictability) was a virtue.
Deviation came at a cost, often paid in the currency of quiet judgment:
"She quit without a plan? That’s reckless."
"Some people just don’t know when to be content."
"Why fix what isn’t broken?"

So I learned, as many do, that the cost of going off-script was too high.
And even when the script didn’t feel quite right, I stayed.
Because staying the course was safer than disappointing others.
Safer than losing face.
Safer than going down in history as the one who failed.
Safer than being seen as the black sheep that my family is ashamed of.

2. When the Script No Longer Fits

I didn’t feel like a misfit in the beginning.
In fact, I tried to excel within the script. Perhaps this is something you can relate to.

My parents, whose own education had been cut short, wanted me to teach. It was steady, noble, and respected. I resisted—then relented.
After a rather disillusioning internship, I reasoned, "Teaching may not have been my dream, but it aligns with my values."

And in truth, I found meaning in the classroom. I enjoyed the rhythm of school life—the connection with students, the camaraderie of colleagues.

But after nearly a decade, something shifted.
I had checked every box, but still felt hollow inside.

That’s when I discovered coaching.
What began as a personal development course ignited a quiet, persistent passion. Despite the demands of work and parenting three young children, I found myself staying up to coach leaders across time zones.

I was sleep-deprived but happy.

I remember one early client vividly—a country manager in Fiji.

Like me, she was a petite Asian woman.

But unlike me, she spoke with a European accent, had led in eight countries, and sat in boardrooms I hadn’t dared imagine.
I was nervous. She was gracious.
And in that first session, something clicked for both of us.

She later told me that the one conversation with me changed everything. That she realized that she, too, was following a script that no longer fit.

Her discovery mirrored my own. And I realised: coaching global leaders was more than a hobby. It was a calling.

Your calling is not to be discovered but to be listened to. Because it will always be ‘calling’ you.

Have you found your calling?

Still, I hesitated.
"This isn’t a real career."
"No one gives up stability like this."
"What if I disappoint everyone?"

The script still had its grip. Fear ran thick in my blood.

3. The Fear That Keeps Us Stuck

Over time, and through over 3,000 coaching hours, I began to notice the same tension in others:

"Is this really what success looks like?"
"Why does leadership feel like a grind?"
"There has to be a better way."

What I saw, again and again, was that fear keeps us stuck.

Fear of letting others down.
Fear of not fitting in.
Fear of walking away from a role we’ve outgrown.
Even fear of discovering who we are without the script.

And this fear doesn’t only live in individuals. It’s systemic.

Leadership Insight:
85% of executives agree that fear of failure causes them to play it safe and opt for tried-and-tested methods—even when innovation is crucial to survival.

That’s the paradox:
Even though organisations know they must change to stay relevant, their own leaders sabotage transformation by clinging to what feels safe.

That’s the thing that happens to us all. You see the signs that change is necessary. You know in your gut you need to do something differently. But knowing and doing are two different things. Even though the environment around you has evolved, you don’t always evolve as rapidly.

That’s because while the environment has changed, your internal scripts haven’t.

Sometimes, it takes another fear—like the fear of regret—to push us forward.

4. When the Script Breaks

In 2014, I found myself on an operating table.
Doctors had found a large abdominal cyst. It was benign, but surgery was required.

As the anesthesia took hold, a single thought pierced through:

"What if I don’t wake up?"

And then, even sharper:

"I haven’t even started living for myself."

That moment stripped away every title, every role, every expectation.
What remained was a simple, sobering truth:
I had been living in fear.

Months later, I came across a quote by palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware—one I would eventually include in Leaders People Love:

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” – Top Five Regrets of Dying

That quote didn’t erase the fear. But it gave me a question I couldn’t un-ask.

It took me three more years—of quiet preparation, inner work, and wrestling with doubt—before I submitted my resignation.

And just like that, I was off-script. And a full-blown identity crisis.

Life didn’t roll out a welcome mat. I faced resistance at every turn (the outdated scripts of others in full display.)

"You’re too young to be an executive coach."
"Why would male CEOs take you seriously?"
"What do you even know about the corporate world?"

Some said it to my face. Others said it behind my back.

And I won’t sugarcoat it—it rattled me.

I spent the years after building my business and rebuilding my beliefs.

But I have no regrets.

Because now I understand:
Going off-script isn’t a leap. It’s a shedding.

A gradual, deliberate release of the conditioning that no longer serves you.
A reclaiming of your voice, your values, your way of leading.

This shedding is what real leadership in today’s world looks like:

To notice when your context has changed and choose to respond with clarity and courage, not outdated scripts. That’s how you become an agile and relevant leader, effective in every room.

P.S. This is not a call to entrepreneurship. I firmly believe that you can make a lot of impact in the right role. This is a call to leaders in any capacity – challenge the scripts, rewrite the norms. Because the world is changing, we need leaders who have the guts to do the right things and erase what no longer works.

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Is Your Script Relevant?

Perhaps you’ve followed a script, too.

One that promised success but now feels confining.
One that made sense then, but not anymore.

If so, know this:

• There’s no prize for staying stuck.

• No legacy in playing small.

• And no one else can write the script that truly fits you.

So I invite you to ask:

• What parts of your script (at work and in life) no longer serve you?

• Where is fear holding you back (from doing what your heart knows is right)?

• And what might change if you led from a place of courage instead?

Your journey off-script doesn't have to be a dramatic leap. It can be a gradual shedding.

Releasing the conditioning that no longer serves you, reclaiming your voice, your values, your way of leading.

You don’t need to leap.
But you do need to look.
And listen.
And speak to influence.

Because the new script—the one that fits you now—doesn’t come from outside.
It begins within.

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Want to Go Deeper? Join Offscript Society

No, I’m not handing you a quick-fix playbook for instant success or overnight reinvention.

But I’ll offer you something more enduring—tools, stories, and frameworks to build a courageous leadership journey that’s truly yours.

As a member of Offscript Society (My VIP club), you’ll get a behind-the-scenes view of how I help leaders across 40+ countries navigate complexity with clarity and heart.

Here’s what’s inside:

✔️ Monthly leadership prompts and deep-dive reflections I use with my executive coaching clients.
✔️ A growing digital library of agile tools and mindset reframes for leading off-script.
✔️ Stories of real people rewriting the rules—messy, human, and hopeful.
✔️ Access to Offscript Society group sessions where we reflect, reset, and lead with intention.

This is not about having all the answers—it’s about practicing new questions together.

If you’re ready to explore what leadership looks like beyond the script... I’d be honoured to walk that path with you.

Let’s begin again—this time, on your terms. 👇

Here’s what’s coming next

August Masterclass: Break Up With Your Fear of Public Speaking

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