002 | You Can Speak, But Will They Listen?

The real test of influence: Will people listen if you have no authority over them?

Jul 08, 2025

Welcome to Offscript — Issue #002. For leaders who’ve outgrown fear and the script that never fit. Each month, I share research-backed essays to help you have raw, honest conversations that will reset your mind. Influence authentically and advance strategically without sacrificing your values. Paid subscribers and Offscript Society members: Check out your companion resource next.

After 14 years as a math teacher, I had a superpower I didn't know I possessed: instant authority.

When I spoke, 30 teenagers immediately went silent. When I asked a question, hands shot up. When I gave instructions, they were followed.

Then I became an entrepreneur.

Suddenly, I was talking to potential clients who checked their phones mid-sentence. I was pitching to prospects who 'had to take this call.' I was networking with people who forgot my name before I finished introducing myself.

The brutal truth: I had never learned how to make people want to listen to me. I only knew how to make them have to listen to me.

Without a classroom, a title, or a captive audience, I was about to discover what real influence actually looks like.

The Credential Trap: Why Smart People Get Ignored

Here's a myth that’s sabotaging people everywhere: Smart people get listened to. Experienced professionals command respect. If you're competent and credible, people will naturally want to hear what you have to say.

Most people believe that respect is given when you are competent and credible. Therefore, they grab every chance to talk about their qualifications, track record, and their abundance of knowledge. (That makes someone quite unlikeable, actually – McKinsey found in a survey that qualifications and humility have a negative relationship. DM me if you want the article)

This pattern showed up again and again in my coaching work: brilliant people who couldn't get their ideas heard. They'd lead with credentials, launch into lengthy explanations, and wonder why people's eyes glazed over.

I was making the exact same mistake back then.

Going back to 2018 as a lone entrepreneur, I tried my best to prepare, in a way I knew:

I wrote out the common questions people might ask.
A lengthy response to educate people about what coaching was and was not.
A list of people I'd worked with.
The cases I'd worked on successfully.

Of course, everything fell apart.

I realized at one of my ramblings that people cannot retain anything I told them. Because 10 minutes into the conversation, when I introduced myself as a "coach", this guy in the navy satin blazer asked, "So what is it you do again?"

I needed a different strategy. I needed them to not only listen but also REMEMBER what I said.

The Trust Triangle: Three Elements That Make People Listen

I found this framework as I was putting my influence and persuasion, storytelling, and high-performing team culture content together.

It made everything click.

The sole purpose of communication is to exchange ideas and one key ingredient is trust. If you're not good at gaining trust, you'll have a lot of friction everywhere you go.

Trust is the prerequisite of influence. Not unless you're a parent demanding your teenager to take out the trash (or else.) (but even then, there's trust hopefully.)

When you don't have positional authority, people make a rapid assessment about whether you're worth their time. That decision comes down to three quick evaluations.

1. Do you care about me? (Empathy)

When you speak, who is at the center of the universe?
Do you care more about what you want to transmit or how they receive it?

People always know when someone is pushing some message on them. And many who have a mind of their own or strong characters will shut off or launch into an attack.

If your audience reaches either state, there goes your chance of unlocking value from your network.

The impact of empathy on engagement is profound: 76% of people who received empathy from their leaders reported being engaged, compared with only 32% who experienced less empathy.

So instead of being too eager to speak about yourself, make an effort to be interested in people.

What do they care about?
What are their big priorities, goals, and dreams?
What kind of person are they?
How can you support them?

"People don't care about how you know until they know how much you care."
John Maxwell

2. Are you real? (Authenticity)

People can spot a performance from a mile away. If you speak with the intention to impress, you might find yourself not very likable.

We roll our eyes when people name-drop like crazy. They think they're being subtle, but we know it's super obvious. Super cringe. (We'll talk about how to do that without becoming a peacock next time.)

If you wanna unlock the value of your network, don't be an a*s.

So instead of doubling down on what you bring to the table, share your beliefs. Or illustrate your values system.

I find sharing my pivot from teacher to global coach often a good segue into topics like resilience and skills evolution. When I speak about the why behind my mission, people light up. Their eyes glow because passion is contagious.

When you show the real you, you become magnetic. (Sometimes you can share mistakes and failures too – I'll talk about it another day.)

3. Are you making sense? (Logical)

Even with empathy and authenticity, if your message is confusing or irrelevant, people will tune out.

This is where competence finally matters.

But what most people get wrong is that what's logical to you might sound like rocket science or quantum theory to someone else.

To be heard, to be remembered, you need to organize your ideas in a clear, memorable, and valuable way to your audience. It’s not about right/ wrong. It’s about making sense to the listener.

"Any fool can make anything complex. Only a genius can make the complex simple." Leonardo da Vinci

So what I learned was to make my definition of coaching simpler:

E.g. it's like going to the gym and having a personal trainer. I'm like the personal trainer for your mind.

Or when I explain what I do in "agile leadership", it's helping leaders be relevant and effective in every context.

These get people to nod and muse, agree, and be curious. When the conversation opens up, you get the chance to win some allies.

Remember that guy in the navy satin blazer? He followed with a question and asked me HOW I help leaders. With his permission, I shared with him frameworks and mindset shifts.

He took notes and became an advocate.

Because the conversation made sense to him, he felt cared for, and he got my passion for leaders.

The Magic Formula: Empathy + Authenticity + Logic = Trust

When you combine all three elements, people don't just listen, they lean in. They remember you. They want to continue the conversation.

The right to speak and be listened to isn't given, it's earned. And it's earned through caring, being real, and making sense.

I hope this essay helps you reconsider your workplace relationships.

Where have you built trust?
Where is trust lacking?

Perhaps if you change your strategy, where you lead not with competence and credibility, you’ll find more success in influence.

But here's the caveat: to be authentic and logical, you need to understand your own values and strengths first. Without that foundation, you’ll find it hard to break out of people’s scripts.

Paid subscribers and Offscript Society Members —> Check out the companion exercise next.

What’s your take on today’s topic? Do you agree or disagree? What else should we consider when influencing without authority? Do culture and social norms change the way you influence, with or without authority?