003 | The Most Dangerous Career Killer Isn't Lack of Talent

It's How You Handle Rejections

Jul 24, 2025

Welcome to Offscript — Issue #003. For leaders who’ve outgrown fear and the script that never fit. Each month, I share research-backed essays to help you have raw, honest conversations that will reset your mind. Influence authentically and advance strategically without sacrificing your values. Only one ~~(three)~~ single-session strategy calls remain to help you break up with your fear of rejection. Paid subscribers and Offscript Society members: get 30% off – Code in your DM.

This may surprise you: The most dangerous career killer isn't lack of talent—it's how you handle rejections.

I nearly abandoned my coaching business after one prospect said no. One.

After 14 years of teaching authority, where students listened and parents respected me by position, business rejection felt like personal annihilation. The shame was so crushing I wanted to disappear forever.

That dark voice (hello, inner critic) whispered: "You're not good enough. Who are you to think a former math teacher could make it as an executive coach?"

Until I discovered something that changed everything...

The Story That Rewired My Brain

One day, as I grudgingly studied "sales and marketing," while (still) moping around, I heard something that stopped me cold.

A coach named Rich casually shared how he'd been rejected 73 times before landing his first yes. Seventy-three.

The kicker? He said it with pride, like a badge of honor.

My one rejection versus his 73? Why was I drowning in shame while he sounded almost... excited?

That question wouldn't leave me alone.

Why Rejection Hijacks Your Brain

Here's what I discovered: when rejection hits, your brain treats it like physical pain. It launches into fight-or-flight mode before rational thought can intervene.

If you've felt your heart race or cheeks burn with shame after hearing "no," that's not weakness — that's survival wiring. For our ancestors, social rejection meant death.

Each new rejection reopens old wounds.

But here's the breakthrough: healing those wounds is what frees you to succeed.

The Defense Trap That Sabotages Success

When threatened, we unconsciously armor up to protect ourselves. But that protection becomes a prison.

My defensive cycle looked like this:

Fear → Hypervigilance (scanning for threats everywhere)
Misinterpretation → Seeing rejection where none existed
Overreaction → Shutting down or snapping back defensively
Real damage → Actually creating the rejection I feared
Repeat → Stuck in the same destructive loop

I've watched talented leaders fall into this trap — afraid their ideas will be shot down, they become defensive, creating the very rejection they were trying to avoid. Sometimes, on the other end of the spectrum, it stops them from putting their hands up for bigger jobs just so there’s no chance of getting rejected.

The Turning Point

After hearing Rich's story, I faced the truth: I hated how fragile I'd become. Every question felt like an attack.

I had two choices: retreat to teaching (though I'd already given away my materials) or figure this out.

Because the shame of asking for my materials back from my former colleagues would be too much to bear, I chose to hunker down and make my new career work.

That's when it clicked: Rich didn't see rejection as the opposite of success. He say it as a part of the process to achieve success.

The difference wasn't our skills. It was our relationship with rejection.

My Breakthrough: The Re4 Method

I didn’t break up with the fear of rejection alone and worked with a coach. I was struggling and knew I had to get help because I can’t overcome this alone.

Together, we studied a few of my stellar rejections and did a retrospective analysis. Along with it, she helped me shift my mindset, and that made rejections sting less. (If it helps you, I’m opening just three slots of single sessions to help you with your fear of rejection whether it’s in sales or at work.)

To simplify the process, let me offer you the Re4 framework from my book, 8 Paradoxes of Leadership Agility.

Step 1: Reconstruct the Map

Recognize multiple truths exist.

A "no" doesn't mean "you're not good enough." It could mean timing, fit, budget, or a dozen other factors.

If you allow yourself to see other truths, you'll find rejections less stinging. Contrary to popular belief, it might not be you after all.

Step 2: Refresh the Lens

Challenge your assumptions.

Instead of: "They rejected me because I'm not qualified," or "They hate me!" Try: "This wasn't the right fit" or "Perhaps they'll be generous to give me valuable feedback if I ask."

If you jump to the assumption that rejections mean people reject you as a person, you're missing out on many good people in the world you can learn from.

Feedback is a gift, just ask.

What's the worst they can do to you?
Not answer the question, which is a pretty mild response, to be honest.

Step 3: Renew Your Identity

Choose a better role.

For a long time, I was the sage – the expert whose word should be accepted without question. Being questioned made me angry.

So I switched. At 38, I was a student entrepreneur with much to learn.

Once I embraced being a student again, the sting of rejections disappeared.

Step 4: Rebuild Your Capabilities

Turn every "no" into a growth blueprint.

Each rejection became data:

What was the real reason they said no?
Where did I lose them in conversation?
How can I improve next time?

I sharpened my skills in building trust, reading cues, and making complex ideas simple.

The Transformation

Over time, I got my YESes (Thank goodness it didn't take 73 rejections to get there.)

Nowadays, if a prospect asked: "How do I know you're the right coach for me?"

Old me: "Well, I have 14 years of experience..." (defensive edge)

New me: "Great question. Let's explore that together..." (curious openness)

The difference? Night and day.

Each rejection became a step forward, not back. I stopped defending my ego and started protecting my growth.

The Lesson That Changed Everything

Rejection isn't anti-success. It's an essential raw material of mastery that leads to success.

Every "no" teaches you something a "yes" never could.

The question isn't whether you'll face rejection. It's whether you'll let it shrink you or strengthen you.

Choose growth. Choose curiosity. Choose to be a student again.

Your breakthrough is waiting on the other side of your next "no."

P.S. "Speaking of breakthroughs - I didn't break free from rejection fear alone. I had a coach who helped me do exactly what I've shared with you today. If you're ready for that kind of support, check this out.

Personalized Strategy Session (Only 3 slots available!)

If you're tired of letting past rejections dictate your future decisions, I'm opening up three personalized strategy sessions to help you extract the competitive intelligence hiding in your "nos." I had the support of a coach, and I want to offer support to you too.

These aren't for everyone - just leaders ready to stop nursing old wounds and start leveraging them for strategic advantage.

What makes this different? Instead of avoiding rejection or pretending it doesn't hurt, we'll discover what your rejections are trying to tell you.

Investment: USD 680 (Paid subscribers and Offscript Society (VIP) Members receive 30% off as my way of saying thank you for being part of this community.) (Discount code is already in your DM!)

Book Your 1-to-1 Strategy Session

What’s your take on today’s topic? Do you agree or disagree? How has fear of rejection shaped your leadership journey? Do you find yourself avoiding certain conversations, opportunities, or decisions because of past "no's"?

What else should we consider when breaking free from rejection paralysis?