006 | The Most Prestigious Scholarship in the Country Was the Wrong Fit for Me
It took me 18 years to understand why. My strengths explained it in minutes.
Welcome to Offscript — Issue #006. For ambitious leaders done with suffocating rules. Break the invisible cage keeping you small. Advance without betraying your values and build a work/life you don’t need to escape from. Each month, I share uncensored essays that challenge everything holding you back (so you stop feeling like a fraud.)
I’m standing in formation, rifle in hand as an officer cadet, when I realized… I hate this.
The mosquitoes. The stink of perspiration. My camo uniform, stiff from layers of sweat dried up and drenched again.
Everyone says I should love this.
But I don’t.
The Underdog
Fresh out of junior college, I had applied for one of the most prestigious scholarships in the country. Some called it audacity. After all, I was that heartlander kid from a neighborhood school with a poor track record of moving up the social ladder.
Six high-ranking officers in stiff uniforms interviewed me. Six pairs of eyes scrutinized me like hawks watching prey.
I refused to cower in that tiny chair. I passed. Officially, the underdog.
Misfit
But I couldn’t fit in, mentally, physically, or socially.
The commander barked an instruction. Everyone rushed to follow it to the letter. I went through the motions, too.
But inside, a silent scream kept asking: Why? Why? WHY? I could see a better way. But nobody asked.
The jog up that 45-degree slope to the cookhouse three times a day drained me. Every morning, I willed myself to love it. Just a little more today. Endure the pain. Find the meaning.
No love came.
I did what I had to do. Learned to fire a rifle. Stripped and assembled it in record time. Completed the obstacle course.
Every milestone should have been a celebration but I felt nothing.
I was succeeding at something that didn’t fit. That’s worse than failing.
The Truth
To be fair, the military is a very caring environment. Commanders always checked in on our well-being. “How are you finding it? Anything you want to share?”
Because everyone else seemed to love it. So proud to be here. So honored.
So I didn’t dare be different. Stayed silent.
But standing in that sweaty formation, the truth I couldn’t admit finally surfaced:
I hate everything about this.
Not because I was weak. Not because I couldn’t hack it. But because this prestigious place was never for me.
Yet I stayed. Because I was terrified of the disappointment in my parents' eyes. So I bowed my head and pushed on.
5. The (Legit) Ticket Out
Then A-level results day came. Worse than expected.
The platoon commander called me in. His face was kind, but his words were final:
“I’m sorry Chuen Chuen. Rules are rules. You didn’t meet the bar. Pack up and leave in the next hour.”
I should have been devastated.
But sitting there in my sweaty, stinky camo uniform, all I felt was relief.
This was it. My legitimate ticket out.
I seized it and left.
Good Doesn’t Mean Right
Some would call this a failure.
For years, I did too. I thought something was wrong with me. Who gets the opportunity of a lifetime and feels secretly happy when it ends?
Here’s what I’ve learned since:
Good and right are different things. A good job might not be the right job.
The military wasn’t wrong. It was wrong for me.
Strengths Are Your Clues
Years later, I discovered CliftonStrengths while training to be a professional coach. And everything finally made sense.
Your strengths profile is the biggest clue to what you love, what drains you, and how you find your best work and life.
Ideation explained why I always love to ask why. That silent scream of Why? Why? WHY? wasn't defiance. It was my brain wired to question, to find a smarter path. Rigidity stifles me. I need experimentation, not blind obedience.
Individualization explained why I need to be seen as a unique person: Remember those check-ins? I stayed silent because I didn't dare be different. But that silence was killing me. I need an environment where it’s safe to stick out like a sore thumb.
Nothing was wrong with me. The box was wrong for me.
If you have ever wondered why you’re not happy in a “good” position, perhaps your strengths will be your biggest clue.
To Lead, Excel, and Overcome
26 years after I failed at my scholarship bid, I returned to the military school. This time, as an executive coach to support their top 0.01% personnel.
The Major drove passed that accursed 45-degree slope as he gave me a lift into the camp. I felt pride bursting in my chest.
I might not have served in uniform. But by fully leaning into my strengths, I found a different way to live up to the motto: To Lead. Excel. Overcome.
This path wasn’t what anyone expected. But it was uniquely mine.
Your Turn
If you’ve ever succeeded at something that felt empty, or secretly wished for a way out of a “good” opportunity… I want to assure you: nothing is wrong with you (and you’re not being ungrateful.)
Your strengths are the key to designing a life you love and work you enjoy.
If you want to discover your strengths, now’s the opportunity.
Join Offscript Society and get your full CliftonStrengths 34 assessment free with your yearly subscription.
Then bring your results to our Strengths Clinic on 26 Feb, 4:30 pm SGT—where we’ll decode what your profile reveals about the cage you’re in and the path that’s actually yours.
If this helped you, sharing it would be the best thank you I could ask for.
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Check out these posts:
005 | I Got Better at Public Speaking but My Anxiety Got Worse. (Here’s what finally fixed it.)